shall make an effort not to make this post cryptic. my mac is now exceptionally private because it has somewhat become a little ‘blog’ for me. cause well, there are some things that should never be revealed on the world wide web, no matter how private this blog is! I shall now be watchful of people who use my mac - no raiding of the mac, haha! so if I am not to make this post cryptic, I shall try to be a normal blogger who blogs about simple daily stuff, yes?

I bought a new bible yesterday at westmall after ac’s cross-country thingy at west coast park. I <3 it (:

haha yesterday was pretty much quite a waste of time. went to west coast park early, around 6.40 AM to join my friends for breakfast at macs. didn't eat though cos I usually don't have much of an appetite in the morning heh.

anyway, I spent the whole cross-country time sitting around in the shade with a few friends. talking. but I got tired of talking. so I just listened. was reminded once again of the complexity of relationships among people at this point in time. lots of confusion, and well. complicated.

so after that some of us headed down to west mall in a cab. ate lunch at burger king and just sat there talking for quite a while. wanted to watch the dark knight but some couldn’t stay so we ended up walking to the food court and sit there to talk. >.< looks like we only went to west mall to eat at burger king. how nice. haha.

after that I went home and slepttttt and then had to go to school for amanda’s dance concert. haha was quite stupid, since krystle and I arranged to meet at 730 for dinner when the concert was supposed to start then, haha! we went during intermission (: came home and SLEPT again. so tired!

I realised it’s so much easier to blog about little trivial things like these. haha. anyway, bible study today again. Genesis 28. learnt quite a lot of things today that are probably worth sharing. but this post is long enough and I shall save my sharing for later, heh. I have lots of stuff to do, but I don’t feel the urgency. I’ve got about 3 essays and my testimonial due next week. amongst other little homework here and there that has yet to be done. haven’t started. but yet somehow I don’t care and I’m thinking of going shopping tomorrow. hahaha I have become quite hopelessly lazy, I must admit.

IOC IS OVER! was over yesterday (:

wasn’t too bad la. I got the poem Background and Friezes by Wole Soyinka! I was somewhat hoping to get an extract from King Lear, but this poem is still good(: Thank God! (: better than any poems by Robert Frost, definitely. I think those people who had IOC today were quite poor thing la. 3 out of 4 people in my class who had IOC today got the poems by Robert Frost! haha.

so yesterday after IOC I went out, then when I got back, I was so tired I fell asleep on my bed at like 8pm. without showering! haha so I actually woke up around 3.30 AM and while wondering if I should take a shower then, I fell asleep again and only woke up at 6AM! so I went to shower and all and ended up being late for school -.- oh well nevermind being late doesn’t really have any serious consequences la. haha.

I’M SO HAPPY IOC IS OVER BECAUSE THIS MEANS THAT THE ONLY THING LEFT IN IB IS TO STUDY! 96 DAYS left to the IB exams! so exciting! wahaha. life is looking good eh. but lessons have been dreadfully boring.

I feel quite happy. somewhat. am quite disturbed by something. but. ah well.

there’s SGC left to complete. which is something so stupid; how can I praise myself! goodness >.< I don’t know the format for it so aiya, lazy to start. haha.

three more hours. three more hours. left to IOC!

I couldn’t sleep all night! okay la I could but I kept waking up throughout the night! I am so nervous. so nervous that I had to wake up at 7am to go shit. and I kept dreaming about the poem disabled. I kept dreaming of coming up with the context, thinking of syntax, themes, and everything else! It was quite a long terrible night. I didn’t have a good dream too. I dreamt of a huge worm. ):

I have butterflies in my stomach! I am sososososososo nervous and scared and everything more!

I don’t know if this or that is making me feel this way! I still feel blissfully happy though! heh. GO, ME!

hahaha I saw this as one of my friend’s PM on MSN. At first I didn’t get it, but once I did, I was amazed at the simple brilliance.

haha. Apollo is a one of the gods in King Lear who represents sight and clarity because he is a clear-sighted archer. and when you say “By Apollo” you actually swear by the god. exeunt is a stage direction that is commonly used in plays (I think you all know this anyway!) which stands for exits. SO. it’s quite an apt description!

I’m not so scared anymore (: I hope I get Lear! I don’t want poems. haha. I prefer Lear cos if I have too much spare time, I know how I can smoke my way through.

I’m happy (: 12 more hours! 12 more hours! my IOC is at 1130 AM. Ah, 12 more hours!!!

less than twentyfour hours left!

I AM SCARED LIKE REALLY REALLY SCARED

IOC tomorrow! If you don’t know what IOC is, SHAME ON YOU! haha. IOC = individual oral commentary. I AM FREAKING OUT RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW SCARED I AM. RAWR ):

I really really hope I don’t get Robert Frost poems (please don’t let Murphy’s Law come true!) cause his poems are the most difficult, more philosophical/deep.

AHH I could hardly concentrate today ):

at least I don’t have to attend lessons tomorrow so yay (: my friends think I am like super prepared already, but THAT’S NOT TRUE. >.< hardly. hardly.

I have been rehearsing the whole of yesterday. and I'm going to rehearse more today. I did King Lear yesterday but I haven't finished rehearsing all the extracts so I'm gonna finish it up today and rehearse poems as well. The poems aren't too bad la (except Robert Frost's! WHOEVER SAID ROBERT FROST WAS THE 'MOST POPULAR + MOST LOVED BY CRITICS' AMERICAN POET! well. at least not among students!)

I AM SCARED >:( I hope I won’t be so scared that I break down in tears tomorrow during the recording of my oral commentary haha! I think I shall freak out all I want right now so that by tomorrow I’ll be numb. HAHA. OK I AM OFF TO STUDY. O LEAR LEAR LEAR, LET THY FOLLY IN. RUMBLE THY BELLYFUL. (sounds like he’s hungry eh!)

perhaps I’ll try sharing some of the things I learn during bible study each week. maybe it’ll help me to remember too (:

today we did genesis 25-27. about jacob & esau.

esau exchanged his birthright for a bowl of stew that jacob was making. esau was exhausted and hungry when he asked jacob for a bowl of stew, but jacob, scheming as he is, demanded esau’s birthright in exchange. the birthright represented God’s plan for the family as the firstborn would become the ‘father of many nations’ which was promised to abraham.

(doesn’t it sound like king lear! jacob is like edmund, just that esau isn’t like edgar because esau is quite stupid. haha.)

as simple as this story sounds, it actually parallels our lives alot. how often is it that we compromise on God’s perfect plan for us and settle for something that is incomparable to God’s plan? and it’s important to note that it was only in esau’s moment of weakness that he made this fatal misjudgment. sure, we could argue that all along, esau was not walking with God, but it is this moment of weakness that resulted in his actions. otherwise, he wouldn’t care about it right, haha.

temptations abound; more often that not we see the goodness in such temporal things and we eventually succumb to our own desires. this all the more underscores the importance of prayer and the need to keep close to God. I say this, but it’s not easy practicing what I preach. the race is long and tough; it’s hard to focus on the goal and the finish line because of all the distractions that surround us. we get tired, and we want to stop, take a break by the side of the track and do nothing but enjoy. eventually we’ll wander away because as long as you’re not on the race track, you won’t feel worn out.

sometimes when I do QT, I’m at a loss because I don’t know what I should do. sometimes I feel that my QT is so superficial and I’m tempted to give up because the time spent is ‘not worth it’. but then again I’m reminded that God doesn’t have to come in the earthquake, or in the fire. He doesn’t make a dramatic entrance or a grand speech when he comes and speak to us. He comes in the gentle breeze, a gentle whisper. how hard it is to hear Him then!

sigh. oh well. it’s a struggle I face everyday. I tend to belittle the power of prayer. how now, brown cow? (:

how, how Cordelia. mend your speech a little, lest you may mar your fortunes!

haha okay I don’t know why I said that. okay I gotta study poems now. not fully done with king lear but I need to start on poems! wilfred owen (: and later robert frost then wole soyinka.

sian sian sian sian sian.

I am experiencing a wave of emotions rights now. all jumbled up. annoyed, confused, impatient, stressed, insecure, upset, helpless. neutral. I don’t even know what I want to say.

I don’t know if you realize how superficial our friendship is, at times I really wonder if you’re acting, pretending to be innocent, and everything. I hate how this is turning out.

and you. I tried being there. I tried. I didn’t know what to do. I felt completely useless and helpless when I saw the way you looked at me. the sadness, the helplessness, the look of despair. I didn’t know what to do. I’ve never seen you look that way before. I didn’t know what I could say. or what I should do. all I could do was pray that God would speak to you and help you in ways that I know I never can.

(p.s. I’m not referring to any of you…)

why must all our relationships with people get increasingly complicated? why must we look so deep into things?

lately I’ve been hearing an advert with the song the more we get together the merrier we’ll be on the bus in the mornings. all I can think of is the absolute superficiality of it all. dramatic irony, I would say, if my life was a play. (haha I’m sorry, shakespeare overload)

sometimes it’s the little things that make me happy.
and it’s because of these that I wish I could lock myself up, shut out from the rest of the world so that I can continue living in my own world (delusion, maybe?).
just so that I can prevent myself from getting affected by other little things that will upset me.

it’s not time.

if there’s one thing right now I want God to teach me, it is that of love. of patience. of tolerance. but all these eventually hinges on love. if one can love, one is powerful! ha! whoever said knowledge is power? love > knowledge! don’t you agree? (:

okay it’s almost 10 pm now. I need to do my second econs DRQ question (so sian zzz) and continue studying for IOC!

IOC SUCKS I’M SCARED >:(

Hey Petrina..

You don’t know how inspirational and lovely some of your entries are..

<3 you!

Sorry I have been like.. dead. All the retching has caused my muscles to become strained and I can’t speak for a long time :(